Will You Marry Me? No, You Idiot.

The 29th February. A date that comes around just once every four years, and leaves desperate women falling to their knees across the land. Call me bitter, sexist, god be it, even traditional, but that's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

This morning I watched proposition on mass, as ten women dropped to their knees and forced their partners hand into marriage. What's romantic about that? The only time a woman should be sans feet is for a much more romantic proposition, if you know what I mean.

The whole idea of a relationship is shattered should a woman take her engagement into her own hands. Gone are the days of chivalry, say goodbye to those reduced flowers from Tesco every once in a while. You don't deserve them. You have failed as a female recipient of romance.

Don't get me wrong, I've heard the success stories of role reversal, but I'm sure that deep down inside these woman share some seed of doubt. A bloom of regret. Come on, every girl wants a diamond and status worthy story.

And also, why make the ride easy for your man? As woman we do the worrying, the stressing, the figuring out, the arranging, the everything. We even have to give bloody birth should he decide he a mini-me is next on the list. The same mini-me you have to house in your uterus for nine months and then push out a hole the size of a grape. And still, you're prepared to give up your compensation diamond?

What idiots.

You're a woman - enjoy your fairytale. That's how it works.